I'm Not Your Hero
by oh-you-pretty-things
Summary: There's one thing you should know about me: I'm not your hero. I didn't discover the Lost Children of Berk. I didn't save them. I became one of them. AU Hiccup's POV - Hiccup leaves Berk prior to his Dragon Training examination and travels the world, discovering many wonders. One such wonder is Astrid Hofferson, Tamer of Dragons.
1. I'm not your hero

**Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon or any of the associated characters and settings.**

Oh, boy, where to begin? I guess there's one thing you should know about me before we start: I'm not your hero. My name is Hiccup. Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third. Great name, I know. I come from an island called Berk, which is found twelve days north of Hopeless and a few degrees south of Freezing to Death. It's located solidly on the Meridian of Misery. My village, in a word? Sturdy. It's been there for seven generations, but every single building is new. It has fishing, hunting, and a charming view of the sunsets. The only problem is the pests. While most places have mice or mosquitos, Berk has dragons.

Berk is led by Stoick the Vast. They say that when he was a baby, he popped a dragon's head clean off its shoulders. Do I believe it? Yes, I do. The people who live on Berk are tough. Durable. Resilient. The dragons keep coming, but the so do the people of Berk. There is nothing that holds more honour on Berk than killing a dragon. Killing a dragon is everything there. Suffice to say, I was not a dragon killer. I was no Stoick the Vast. Oh, right, there's one more thing you should know about that. Stoick is my father.

Now I can see you imagining what I look like. My father's name is Stoick the _Vast_; there's no mistaking _that_ name. So, you're probably thinking that his son would be equally as large. Hiccup the Humongous. I hate to break it to you, but I'm just Hiccup. You know, like that little involuntary contraction in your diaphragm when you swallow too much air? Yeah, just like that. Annoying, persistent, and hard to get rid of – that's me. I guess I'm still small by Viking standards even now, but it's been a long time since then, a long time since I left Berk.

Which brings me to the third thing you should know: this is not Berk. I haven't been to Berk in five years. Why, you ask? Why would the son of the Chief of Berk leave his home? Well, let's face it. It wasn't exactly like Dad was going to make me Chief. Even if he did – maybe following some traumatic brain injury – it wasn't as though I would even _want _to be Chief. Maybe it was a lifetime of being told to stay out of the way. Maybe it was a lifetime of being a disappointment. Of having no one listen to me. Of knowing more than a Viking should know. According to my dad, a Viking should know the following things to get through life:

1) How to kill a dragon

2) How to kill other Vikings

Um, yep. That's about it.

So, needless to say I was constantly seeking his approval. And likewise, I was constantly

denied his approval. It didn't matter what I did or how I did it, whatever it was would never be good enough. It would never be _Viking_ enough for my dad.

The night that I shot down a Night Fury was no different. It's a well-known fact that I'm not so great with weapons. Definitely not the weapons you would need to take down a dragon. So I made myself a machine that would help me: the Mangler. I had a clear shot and I took it. I saw the Night Fury fall from the sky and land just off of Raven's Point. No one believed me, especially not Stoick the Vast.

But the thing was, I _did_ shoot down that Night Fury. When I found him in the woods, I couldn't kill him. I _wouldn't_ kill him. Three hundred years and I was the first Viking who wouldn't kill a dragon. It paid off. Toothless has taught me so much about dragons, about friendship. I had started using the knowledge I gained from studying Toothless in the arena and suddenly I was flying (haha, see what I did there?) past Snotlout and the others in Dragon Training. When it came down to him or me, the elder chose me to complete the final examination for all of Berk to see.

The trouble with that is the final examination consists of one task: killing a dragon. I had no intention of killing a dragon. Not then, not now, not ever. So even though my dad was finally noticing me, even though I was finally worthy of his time, the people of the village's time – even though I'd been that much closer to getting a date, it was time to leave Berk. I couldn't risk Toothless being discovered. I'd kept him on Berk too long as it was. And he couldn't fly without me. When I shot him down, I damaged his tail fin irreparably. Or it would have been irreparable if I wasn't a blacksmith. The fact remained that he couldn't fly without me and everyone knows that a downed dragon is a dead dragon.

I thought about showing the people of Berk just how wrong they were about dragons. I thought about walking into that arena and taming the Monstrous Nightmare in front of all of them. But I knew what would happen. It would be another one of Hiccup's failures. It would be another thing to be ignored. I couldn't risk Toothless like that. After all, how could I expect a village of Vikings, some of whom had lost their families to dragons, to change their minds?

Oh, right, there is _one_ more thing you should know. When I was little – well, littler – dragons would try to take children from the village. For years they would steal babies and toddlers right out of their beds. Needless to say, my dad put a stop to that all while carrying me on his back like a sack of potatoes. The last child to be taken happened, oh, a good fifteen years ago. That child's name was Astrid Hofferson. She had never been seen again. The Vikings of Berk have always assumed that the dragons had eaten the stolen children. But as I've already pointed out, the Vikings of Berk are wrong about dragons.

There are many stories that I could tell you. I could tell you about my showdown with the Whispering Death on Bashem. I could tell you about my stint with pirates that had given me the title Hiccup the Horrible and his Nefarious Night Fury (honestly, the pirates should have known that a dragon and a wooden ship wouldn't mix). I could tell you about the time Toothless and I rescued the Marvellous Maiden of Malta, who had been taken by bandits while travelling the Sullen Sea. But, I'm not going to tell you those tales. No.

_This_ is the story of how I met Astrid.


	2. The Dragon Master of Narl

**Disclaimer: I don't own How to Traing Your Dragon or any of the associated characters or settings.**

**AN: Thank you for the warm reviews. :) I appreciate the support! Enjoy!**

There's always a starting point to every story. That one shining moment that sets into motion all the little cogs and wheels of fate, that brings the hero and heroine together. But, as I said, I'm not your hero, so let me start with a place called Narl.

In many ways Narl was like Berk. Maybe that's why I decided to stay there so long. It was small, defiant and full of people, like Berk. It was old but with lots of new houses, like Berk. And they had a problem with dragons, like Berk. What was not like Berk was the caliber of people who lived in Narl – and still live there today, no doubt. The people of Narl were far more open to invention and innovation; to considering that life is not only about killing or being killed. Narlians wanted peace. So did I and so I stayed.

Now, the Narlians were very open-minded, but they still weren't ready to embrace a dragon living amongst them, so Toothless and I stayed in the forest to the north of town. That might have gained me a reputation (Hiccup the Hermit), but it kept Toothless safe. I went to work in the village and Toothless did whatever it was dragons did all day, waiting for me to return with fish in the evening. Narl, as luck would have it, had recently lost their smith. _I_, as luck would have it, happen to be adept in the smithy. It was a good fit – Narl and Hiccup; Hiccup and Narl.

Stoick the Vast had never sailed as far as Narl, which made it even more appealing. Though I admit, despite our differences, I did miss my dad. He was all I'd ever had growing up. My mother was taken by dragons, killed before I was even out of diapers. All I ever had was Dad and Gobber and it was to both of them that I owed the skills I had to survive, on Narl or otherwise.

The best part about Narl was how far south it was. The sun was in the sky often! I remembered what it was to see blue skies and colour! It almost never hailed. In a lot of ways, Narl was more my home than Berk ever was. The Narlians didn't mind that I was small, in fact, this was a good thing. For the first time in my life, girls were looking at me with shy smiles instead of grabbing my biceps (or lack thereof) and laughing at me. Life was good on Narl. Life was peaceful, calm, lovely. And though there were dragon attacks, they were few and far between. I hadn't known life could be like that – not having to run for your life, not needing to kill dragons, not needing to consider that death was an occupational hazard of being alive.

It was a fine, sunny, warm day on Narl, about a year ago today, when my life decided to take a nosedive. And things had been _so_ good. I had improved Toothless' tail so that he could glide without me. He was still limited, but he wouldn't plummet to his death if I fell off of him or was incapacitated. I had been designing a flight suit for myself so that I could glide alongside him. We had a few hiccups (forgive the pun), but we were working on it. If he released a plasma blast when I started to lose lift, it would help me along. _That_ we had discovered entirely by accident. I lost lift and Toothless had let out a panicked plasma ball, the force of the explosion had saved me from sudden death. But, that's how these things go. Things were good, you're flying along and then you find yourself plummeting face-first into the ground.

That's exactly how Narl went. I had been there for nearly a year. Things were great: I had a date with Cora – red hair, blue eyes, big…brain (I'm still reeling over the loss of that date); I had the flight suit nearly perfected; Toothless was fed and happy. Life was good.

And then there were dragons.

It's always dragons.

The raid took the villagers by surprise. Narl had been free and safe from dragons for months now. The Narlians had practically forgotten what to do in the event of a dragon raid. _I _had practically forgotten what to do. So imagine my surprise when a Deadly Nadder stuck its face through the wall of the smithy. I was so surprised that the molten sword I'd been working on flew out of my hands and landed point down into ground behind me. The Nadder breathed a burst of fire at me and I rolled out of the way just in time. But dragons move much faster than humans and while I was on my knees, trying to right myself, the Nadder was right in front of me, raising its tail, ready to attack with its lethal spines.

When I deal with dragons, things that should matter tend to fall away – my own personal safety is one of those things. Then again, when a Nadder is ready to strike you dead, you really don't have any options. I looked into the Nadder's eyes – bright yellow, intelligent eyes – and I lifted my empty hands. Then I looked away, holding my hand out in submission. It had worked with Toothless, so I was hoping that it would work with this dragon, too. For a few tense seconds, all I could hear was the dragon's breath; all I could feel was the huff of hot, moist air against my palm as it smelled me; all I could do was wait.

Then it happened. The dragon pushed its head into my palm. I turned my face back to it and found it sitting on its haunches, nuzzling my hand. The laugh that bubbled up through my chest was half-nerves and half-disbelief. I hadn't tried this with another dragon, not to tame it as I had with Toothless. I scratched it under its chin and it collapsed at my feet, purring with pleasure.

Now, I know what you're thinking. This doesn't sound bad at all. I used what I knew about dragons to save my own life. And it wouldn't have been bad except for the fact that there had been a witness to this exchange. A little girl by the name of Maia. Maia saw everything. Then she went home and told her mother, who told her husband, who told his friends, who told the Chief and within two hours, I was dragged into the Great Hall before Nicholas the Notorious, Chief of Narl.

Let's be clear about something, Nicholas the Notorious doesn't have anything on Stoick the Vast. That being said, there is a certain intimidation aspect that exists when you're summoned to have an audience with the chief of a tribe who is roughly six times the size of you.

I swallowed as I stood before him, nervously scratching my head. I knew better than to speak before being spoken to, especially by a chief.

"I hear you single-handedly felled a dragon," Nicholas said, his voice booming against the walls of the hall.

There were mutters amongst those in the hall, those curious and afraid and waiting for a verdict.

"Well, I wouldn't exactly say _felled_," I said.

"What would you say then?"

I shrugged, my face pinched as I searched for the right word. "Subdued?"

Nicholas frowned. "Where is the beast now?"

A man came forward, I think his name was Ratchet. Because he always carried a ratchet, naturally. "It's in the pen with the others."

Nicholas narrowed his eyes at me in consideration. "Show me."

"Okay, but can it wait? Because I have things—"

"Show me now," Nicholas boomed.

I winced. I'd been on the receiving end of that kind of demand all my life. "Fine," I said, resigned.

I was taken to the dragon pen, which wasn't entirely unlike Berk's arena. It just didn't really have an _arena_ to it. There was a row of pens set up, each containing one or more dragons. The Nadder I had met earlier was alone and when it smelled my approach, it bounced happily from foot to foot.

"Hey, buddy," I said, putting my palm against its nose, "Let's take this nice and easy."

I turned back to the entourage that followed me here. "I'm going to let it out."

There was an uproar behind me which caused the other dragons to startle and push against their pens. I turned, shaking my head. "Drop your weapons and be quiet," I said, my voice sharp.

To my great surprise, they listened to me. I looked to Nicholas to have permission to release the Nadder. He nodded once, curtly. The Nadder followed me tamely, my hand against its nose.

"They're not what you think," I said, "We don't have to kill them."

Then I scratched under the Nadder's jaw and it collapsed at my feet, purring. I turned toward Nicholas.

"They can be tamed," I said.

The Narlians stared at the Nadder at my feet, a low murmur growing throughout their ranks. Nicholas the Notorious said nothing. In my head I was planning my escape with Toothless. If this went wrong, if the Narlians didn't believe me – well, there was really only one option. That would be, once again, for us to leave.

Nicholas approached me and the Nadder. He was staring fixedly at the Nadder at my feet. His ice blue eyes locked onto me and he said,

"Teach us."

And _that_ is how I became the Dragon Master of Narl.


	3. Safe Haven

**Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon or any of the associated characters or settings.**

Oh. OH, I see what's going on here. You're asking yourself: 'how does becoming the Dragon Master of Narl translate into Hiccup's life taking a nosedive?' Aren't you? I know you are. Let me tell you, being a Dragon Master is not what I had set out to do when I left Berk. If I wanted to be a _Dragon Master_, I could have _stayed_ in Berk, shown them my tricks and had a paltry dragon and pony show. Listen, with the title of Dragon Master there comes a certain level of notoriety. There were questions. Questions I couldn't answer without bringing Toothless into the town. Bringing Toothless into town would cause problems. Riding a dragon at all caused certain problems.

Alright, here we go – the beginning of the end of my great life in Narl. Initially I was able to distract Nicholas the Notorious with the Narlians' collection of penned dragons. I showed him how to tame a dragon, how to scratch it in the right places that made it collapse in pleasure. I showed him dragon nip. I showed him their deep hatred of eel. Dragons are easy to understand; it's humans who are difficult.

"How did you learn all this, Hiccup?" Nicholas asked me one golden afternoon.

"I had a little help."

Nicholas had narrowed his eyes at that, suddenly proprietary over my dragon taming skills. "From whom?" he asked.

I sighed. "A dragon."

"And where is it now, this dragon helper of yours?"

I was reluctant to show him Toothless. Night Furies are rare. They're rare and they're fatally destructive. Toothless and I, we'd protected each other over the years. It was hard to let go of that. It was hard to trust a human with Toothless. He wasn't like other dragons. He couldn't fly away if things turned sour. Without his prosthetic tail fin, he couldn't get away. Without me, he couldn't control his flight path. Without him, I was no match for any Viking, even the peace-preferring Narlians. There were a lot of risks to consider.

Nicholas stared at me, his eyes hard. I'd grown up under the hard eyes of a chief. I knew he was assessing me, this outsider who he'd allowed to live amongst them with no questions asked. This outsider who knew how to tame dragons. I was as much an asset as I was a threat, especially given that my past was a mystery to the Narlians. I could have washed up from the Roman Empire. I could have been a spy. Or, worse, I could have flown here on the back of a dragon.

But Nicholas wasn't thinking about riding dragons. Not yet.

"I keep him in the woods," I said, deciding that there was no point in trying to lie about it. In fact, it was probably for the best that Nicholas meet Toothless in the village as opposed to stumbling across him in the woods.

"He?" Nicholas asked, his eyebrows rising with my use of the pronoun, "And what kind of dragon is 'he'?"

I drew in a long breath and released it in a sigh. "A Night Fury," I said, my voice small.

I hadn't expected it, not on Narl, but after a split second of silent contemplation, Nicholas released a booming laughter. His heavy hand slapped down hard on my shoulder.

"Oh, Hiccup," he said, wiping tears from his eyes, "You almost had me. A Night Fury!"

His laughter boomed through the village. (This is precisely how I lost that date with Cora, I'll have you know. I'm not sure I will ever forgive Nicholas the Notorious for that great big laugh of his.) Nicholas continued to pound his giant hand into my shoulder until my arm went numb. Then he sauntered off, still muttering the words "A Night Fury" incredulously.

Well, there it was. In a matter of days I had gone from a trusted teacher of dragon training to the laughingstock of Narl. From Dragon Master to Village Idiot in seconds. Oh, they still wanted me to teach them about dragons, but they also thought I was a jokester to end all jokesters.

Every day I would retreat to the forest with my basket of fish. The village children would follow me part of the way, convinced that _I_ was a dragon and that all they had to do was catch me in the act of changing back into one. But I had made sure to set up my camp with Toothless far beyond any boundary that a child would feel comfortable crossing. I would lose them when the sky turned dark. They would turn, laughing and screaming, and run all the way back to the village. I often made dragon calls just to urge them on their way. The Narlians left me alone when dusk came. I was still a strange outsider. I was made even stranger by the title of Dragon Master. Stranger still by my claims of having tamed a Night Fury. Without the added status of being the Chief's son, I had effectively made myself into an outcast in a way I'd never been on Berk. Hiccup the Hermit, Dragon Master.

So, a week later, it was a day much like any other – I had trained villagers in how to tame the dragons, they had kept a respectful distance and freely given me a basket of fish (I am sure some adults thought I was a dragon, too) and then dismissed me to my hermit ways. I had strapped the basket of fish to my back and made my way through the winding path of the forest, the sunlight dying, leaving heavy purple hues on the horizon.

Toothless and I shared a clearing in the forest, near a waterfall. It was beautiful, serene, solitary. The weather was warm enough now that we could be there, in the open, each night. There was a cave under the waterfall that was a safe retreat for when we needed it. It wasn't much, but it was a good space for Toothless and I. A safe haven.

Let me tell you something – having your safe haven invaded is extremely disturbing.

I didn't notice anything was wrong at first. No, I strode into our little space, talking loudly, completely unaware of my surroundings. I dropped the basket at the edge of the small pool at the foot of the waterfall.

"Well, Toothless, today was another miserable day in what was once a marvellous place. The Narlians still don't believe that you exist and they still don't really want me around," I said, pushing over the basket and checking for eel, "The worst thing I ever did to my social life was tame that Nadder."

I was on my knees then, digging around inside the basket for any fish remnants. "This is disgusting, bud."

"Bud?" I said, pulling my head out of the basket and looking around.

It wasn't like Toothless not to greet me, especially when I had fish. The sky had darkened and there was a moment when my eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the lack of light. You try searching for a black dragon in the dark.

"Toothless? Come on, bud. Where are you hiding?" I asked, spinning around.

Toothless was nowhere to be seen. I can't explain to you the panic that I felt in that moment. It's as though the entire foundation on which I had built the last five years of my life had been torn away. Without Toothless, every decision I had made was meaningless. Without Toothless, I was friendless.

I worried that someone in Narl had finally believed me. I worried that while I had been distracted teaching the Narlians how to tame dragons, someone might have come for Toothless. There are times when you don't really notice what's going on outside of your own head. You're too wrapped up in your worries and fears to realize when there's actually something to fear. This was one of those times.

I noticed the movement out of the corner of my eye, but turned too late. Something hard cuffed the side of my head and sent me sprawling. I didn't have a chance to right myself before I was staring up the length of a dragon tooth-capped staff. The creature at the end of the staff was terrifying in the darkness. Heavy armour covered its body, thick in its uniformity; its head was large, a wide beak with sharp teeth acted as a mouth, spikes protruded from its head. Even then, even frightened at the end of a staff bearing a dragon's tooth, I noticed how reminiscent the creature was of a dragon. A Nadder. This creature was covered in hues of blue and orange. Despite the dragon-like appearance of the creature, it was evident that this was no dragon. Much too small. Much too _human._

"What have you done with Toothless?" Those were my first words to the creature and the strength of my voice surprised me.

The creature cocked its head and made a gesture with its hand. Toothless came bounding out of the forest, spared me a slimy lick and then immediately started eating the fish on the ground beside me. I reached for him only to have the staff come crashing down between us. My eyes were on the creature instantly, even Toothless growled quietly. The creature took quick, fluid steps backward and lifted the tip of Toothless' tail with its staff. I wondered if it could speak; I wondered if I would have to explain myself using body language only. How do you explain something like that?

But then it spoke.

"Did you do this?" it asked in a rasping voice.

"No. Yes. He was hurt by me. But I also fixed him."

The creature seemed to scoff and slammed the butt of its staff into the ground in apparent frustration. "No. Not fixed," it said. "It cannot fly without a human now. Damaged."

I stood up then, glowering at this creature. It was only when I stood that I noticed how much smaller the creature was than me. It couldn't have been taller than the height of my shoulders. I rested my hand on Toothless' head and the creature danced backward a couple of small steps.

"Not damaged. We're a team," I said.

The creature backed away further in a series of small, quick steps, cocking its head as it went.

"You're a Viking," it said, a certain note of disdain in its voice.

"Not exactly."

"Then what? Not a Soarer. Not a Lost Child."

I frowned at it. "A Lost Child?"

It said nothing. It seemed to be appraising me.

"I will take the Night Fury," it said. The creature moved so sinuously and with such speed that it was on Toothless' back before I even had a chance to react.

"No!"

Toothless reacted to my cry and bucked the creature from its seat on the saddle. It didn't really seem to know how to be in a saddle and I used that to my advantage, hooking its arm and throwing it onto the ground hard. I pinned it with my body weight, pushing my forearm across its chest. It was not a creature at all, but a human - judging by its light weight and size, a human child. The dragon head it wore was nothing more than a mask. Through the eye holes, I could see eyes that stared at me defiantly. Harsh breathing echoed through the mask. My free hand closed on the beak of the mask and I pulled up.

"Let's see what you are," I said.

The mask pulled free and I froze. This was no child, but a woman. And no ordinary woman. I spoke of Cora in Narl, the beautiful redhead. Cora had a sweet smile and warm eyes. Cora is the type of woman that you could imagine waiting for you at the end of a long day. This woman, this dragon-garbed woman had eyes that cut your soul. Blue, so breathtakingly blue. Pale blonde hair framed her pale face. Even as she snarled and knocked me down, I was besotted. I couldn't take my eyes from her, even as she swung her staff for my head. When she ran, calling a Deadly Nadder to her, she was magnificent. And when she called to me, her strong voice no longer muffled by the mask I now held in my hand, I knew I would have to find her again. Somehow.

"The Night Fury has chosen you and for that I will leave him. But I will be watching you, Viking."

I watched her go dazedly, Toothless nudging the side of my head as I sat there. She was a pinprick against the white expanse of the moon. She was an enigma in the small expanse of my heart. I didn't know it yet, but I had just met Astrid Hofferson.


	4. A Hero's Choice

**Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon or any of the associated characters or settings.**

_AN: Thank you to all the kind readers and reviewers of this story. I'm so very happy to see that you are enjoying this as much as I am! :) _

You're hoping that I climbed up on Toothless and went after her, aren't you? You're thinking to yourself 'you don't meet another dragon rider, one who is so _beautiful_, and let her get away', aren't you? That sounds like something a hero would do and you keep forgetting: I'm no hero. I am Hiccup. Stubborn, difficult, alone. Although Astrid, who I called 'dragon girl' at the time, made my heart feel things I didn't even know it could feel, I did not go after her. I didn't know what those feelings were and even if I had known, I wouldn't have gone because lying over those feelings was a heavy dousing of fear.

I was afraid of my dragon girl. She had found Toothless and I; she had tried to take him. I knew how easy it would be for her to take him while I was in the village. I knew that this was the end of my dream of Narl. I didn't sleep that night. I'd stared at the moon, and waited for the dragon girl and her Nadder to return. And while I laid there, I asked a million questions in my head. Who was she? Where had she come from? Where did she learn to ride a dragon? Were there more like her?

My mind continued to wander. I thought about the supplies I would need when we left Narl – leather and weights for Toothless' tail, food, paper. We'd stayed too long; I'd grown complacent. Content. I had thought I deserved the peace and comfort of Narl and clearly I had been wrong. I was Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, after all. I'd been stepped on, ignored, and harassed throughout my life. Narl was a dream and all dreams come to an end.

I was reluctant to leave Toothless the following morning, but the sooner I went into town and gathered supplies, the sooner we could leave. I'd reassured Toothless although it was really for my own benefit. I felt that if I said the words out loud they would have more staying power.

"I'll only be gone a few hours, bud. Then we're out of here," I'd said.

Toothless had bumped his head into my chest in response.

I wondered if he would leave with the dragon girl if she came for him while I was gone. I wondered if he'd knock her off his back again if I wasn't around. He'd clearly followed her quite happily into the forest; responded to her hand signals. (And just where had she learned _those_, I'd wondered.) I was so afraid of _Astrid_ then. Of who she could be, of what she wanted from Toothless, of how she could hurt me. I never stopped to think about what other dangers lurked out there. Dragon queens, trappers, megalomaniacal commanders of dragon armies – all very real threats in the world; all completely undetectable to me then. All I could think about was the dragon girl and how she could take Toothless from me. But we're all fools in ignorance. Blissful fools.

I went to Narl, intent on loading up on supplies and escaping the island before Nicholas the Notorious had a chance to notice that his Dragon Master was gone. I was glad that I hadn't taught the Narilans how to fly on the backs of dragons; I was glad that they hadn't believed me about Toothless. I was glad I hadn't had that date; glad I hadn't settled down; glad I was leaving. If Toothless was all that I was allowed to have, then Toothless would be enough for me.

If I had been in a more reasonable state of mind, if I had had more sleep the night before, I would have noticed long before I reached the village that all was not right on Narl. I would have smelled the smoke, heard the shouts, and recognized the signs. But I wasn't in my right mind and I didn't notice, not until ash struck my skin and the sounds of panic were undeniable.

"Dragon Master!" someone shouted at me.

I'd turned to look, the title as recognizable as my own name. The woman's name was Hilda; I had taught her how to tame a set of three Terrible Terrors. She was a midwife. She used the Terrible Terrors to fetch supplies from her home when needed. She was a kind woman, a warm woman – I had never seen hatred more clearly than that in her eyes that day. Hilda barrelled into me, the full force of her body nearly knocking me over. Her fingers closed around my arms and she glared at me.

"What manner of Hel have you brought upon us?" she spat.

"What? Hilda—"

"You've the look of an angel, Hiccup. You've the soul of a devil."

She didn't let me respond. Instead she twisted and yelled over her shoulder, "I've got him. I've got the Dragon Master!"

My first thoughts were, of course, of Astrid, my dragon girl. I'd felt that it was not coincidence that a wild dragon riding girl had appeared in my life the night prior to all manner of chaos breaking out on Narl. Clearly she had to be behind it. Looking back, I truly knew nothing. Looking back, there was nothing I could have known.

"Bring him to me!"

I recognized that booming voice. Last I'd heard it, he was laughing at me. Last I'd heard it, we'd been on good terms. I knew once I was in the hands of Nicholas the Notorious, my fate was sealed. Whatever I was thought to have done, whatever madness had fallen on Narl, I would pay for it dearly. I'm small – this I've already told you – and being small means that I can never hope to overcome someone of a larger stature than me with sheer strength alone. Hilda, for all her past warmth and kindness, was decidedly larger than me. I went limp in her hands as though I had accepted my fate. I'd been counting on her underestimation of me; I'd been hoping she would loosen her grip, but it never came.

We were steps away from Nicholas when I started to struggle. It's funny, those moments when you realize all the relevant 'if only's available to you. If only I had gone after the dragon girl. If only I had taken off on Toothless that morning. If only I had never tamed that Nadder. If only I had stayed on Berk.

"Hiccup," Nicholas said.

His voice carried a certain heaviness to it. I hazarded a glance at him to find his mouth was set, his expression grim.

"What's going on?" I asked.

Nicholas only shook his head. "I'm sorry, Hiccup. They've come for you."

Again, my thoughts went to Astrid. Who were _they_? I had decided that she must have had companions. Parts of Narl were burning, reminiscent of a dragon attack. Even then, even panicked and trapped I thought: why hadn't the dragons protected Narl? It hadn't made sense. If there was one thing I was sure of it was that dragons were unfailingly loyal. So why hadn't they been?

Nicholas' massive hand had closed around my bicep as he'd dragged me away from Hilda. It was only then that she seemed unsure; it was only then, when it was too late, that I could have appealed to her merciful side. Nicholas' hand was like an iron vice around my arm – I still remember the ache it caused; I still recall the bruise it left. It was only when we'd made it to the top of the hill where the Great Hall stood that I saw the ships. Countless ships.

"What are those?" I'd asked without expecting an answer.

"Dragon trappers," Nicholas responded, "You don't know them?"

I'd looked up and was surprised to find his expression softened – he wanted to trust me, to trust in his own decisions. I'd shaken my head at him and he'd narrowed his eyes.

"They wanted the Dragon Master of Narl," he'd said, his tone carefully accusatory.

I remember how his tone made me feel. It was a tone I'd been used to on Berk, a tone that preceded disappointment.

"I didn't give myself that name," I'd replied coldly.

Nicholas considered me for a long moment. "They won't leave without you, Hiccup. I have to think of the tribe. I have to think of Narl."

As much as I'd wanted to appeal to him, I didn't. I knew I wouldn't win. A chief's priority is always the tribe he leads, even if the cost is a friend. Even if the cost is a son. He stared at me as though he could see something in me – I will never forget the way he looked at me as his village burned below, as dragon trappers promised more destruction if they were denied what they wanted. Me, apparently.

"Who are you?" he asked in a hushed voice. It was the first and last time he had ever spoken to me so quietly.

I remember looking down at the ships, looking across the village I had come to love

burning below, and knowing that _I_ did this. I remember looking into Nicholas the Notorious' ice blue eyes and squaring my shoulders.

"I am Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, Heir of Berk."

"_Stoick's_ son," Nicholas said incredulously, appraising me with new eyes.

I had expected him to deny it. To look at me, small and weak, and declare it untrue. To laugh that humiliating, big laugh of his and dismiss me to the trappers. I stood there and waited, staring back at him with every shred of dignity that I had left (which admittedly at that point in my life was not a hell of a lot).

His eyes widened as he looked at me and he nodded to himself. "I see it. I see him in you, boy."

His comment took me aback. Never before had I heard those words. Never before had I said I was the son of Stoick the Vast and been met with acceptance, certainly never so far from Berk.

"And what would you do if I turned my back to you now, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third?"

It was a test. Or perhaps an offering. Maybe both. I could have allowed myself to be taken by dragon trappers and undoubtedly be used for my skills, or tortured until I agreed to use my skills. I could have done that for Narl. Or I could have run. I could have chosen to protect Toothless and myself. It was the first time I was given a hero's choice. A hero would have saved Narl. I am no hero.

"I would get on my Night Fury and I would leave Narl," I'd said, my voice strong with the conviction of my selfish plan, "And I would never return."

"And Berk?"

I couldn't give him an answer. Aside from my own selfish thoughts about whether my dad missed me, whether anyone noticed I was gone, and whether Snotlout had been named heir, I'd spared little thought to Berk. I'd thought about Berk then. I thought about if it were Berk below, what choice would I make? For a moment, just a moment, I'd felt that telling swell in my chest, that pride of patriotism, that sense of knowing where I came from and where I belonged. It was gone as soon as I reminded myself that I had left Berk behind. I had chosen a dragon over Berk. Did I expect Stoick the Vast to accept me back with open arms? His arms had been mostly closed for the majority of my life as it was, what would he do when I told him why I'd left?

Nicholas had placed a heavy hand on my shoulder and smiled. I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't know what was worth smiling about.

"Time, Hiccup. Time and distance make us see clearly," he'd said, "Your time will come and Berk will be better for it. Now, go."

He had dismissed me, I realized. He'd turned his back on me as he had promised, knowing I would run. Knowing I would leave Narl burning in my wake. And I did run. I ran past the people I had considered friends for the past year. I ran past burning homes. I ran past dragons in chains. I ran. Now tell me, do you still think I could be a hero?

I didn't stop running until I'd reached the clearing in the forest. Toothless was pacing restlessly as if he could sense that something was wrong so far away; as if he'd heard me running through Narl. His head perked up as I stormed breathless into our safe haven. I bent over then, the first chance I'd had at relief, and breathed. Gasping, desperate breaths.

"We have to leave, Toothless," I'd said, hands on my knees, "I wasn't able to—There were- We have to leave."

Toothless nudged his head under my hand, a silent tell that he understood. He might not have known what had happened in the village, but he understood me. He knew we had to go and we had to go then. I climbed onto his back.

"Let's go."

We rose, that vertical acceleration combined with my heightened respiration left me even more breathless, even more lightheaded. Those seconds, those precious seconds between the ground on Narl and the sky high above it – if those seconds had been any different… But they weren't. I was barely functioning when they came. I saw her first – my dragon girl, my Astrid. She hadn't had time to make a new mask yet and I felt the weight of her soul-crushing eyes. It was the flap of wings, the buzzing in my ears that made me look around. We were surrounded. My dragon girl to my right, and three other dragon riders on all sides. I moved my foot, anxious to direct Toothless upward, my head too fuzzy to assess the situation. I was stopped short in my upward mobility by a dragon twice the size of any I had seen, with two sets of wings and an impressive crown on its head. This, too, was ridden by a person – heavily armoured and masked as my dragon girl had been.

I had stared at that impressive dragon and its rider with all the fear and awe I had to give. Here was a rider that seemed to have more authority than the others. Here was their leader. I'll admit there was too much happening for me to stay truly focussed. Astrid – the dragon girl – jumped onto Toothless' back in perfect coordination with the claws of the massive dragon above us closing on my shoulders.

"Toothless!" I shouted, watching helplessly as Astrid settled into the saddle.

Our eyes met – mine and the dragon girl's – and what passed between us somehow brought me comfort. I didn't know her and she didn't know me, but Toothless was safe in her hands. I knew it beyond any shadow of doubt.

Me, on the other hand…


	5. Falling Face-First

**Disclaimer: I don't own How To Train Your Dragon or any of the associated characters or settings.**

Falling face-first into absolutely nothing is probably the single best feeling you can have. No, seriously. I should know. I've done it plenty of times. With Toothless beside me. When you start falling face-first into nothing without the security of your dragon, well, that's when things become ever so slightly less awesome. So, where was I? Right, that massive dragon had its massive claws all over my not-so-massive arms. Dragon girl was on Toothless' back. Everything was about to go wrong.

"You have to– Look, it's not simple," I'd tried to explain to her as she looked at the pedal that controlled Toothless' tail.

The dragon girl glared at me with eyes of polished steel. Gods, I still remember how she struck me, even then. I thought she was the most beautiful, most striking girl I had ever seen. Something about her anger made her even more attractive, like she could rip me apart with her teeth and I'd let her. Hel, I'd _enjoy_ it.

I'd struggled against the dragon holding me, desperate to get back to Toothless. He was getting more frantic, looking up at me with worried eyes.

"It's okay, bud. We'll be okay," I said, soothingly.

The dragon girl scoffed. Then she shoved her foot in the pedal tentatively.

"Ah, no, no, no, NO! Don't push that way, trust me."

The dragon girl's eyebrows lowered into a firm, angry line and she dropped her heel hard, almost to spite me. She and Toothless plummeted out of the hover he'd been managing. All at once, her dragon riding comrades swung into action. The rider on the left – tall with red armour, riding a Monstrous Nightmare- shot off after Toothless and the dragon girl. Which would be fine for rescuing the girl. Rescuing my Night Fury, well, a Nightmare might have a little trouble with that. Despite their small size, Night Furies are not exactly light.

"Oh gods, let me go!" I pleaded with the rider of the dragon that was holding me. "Please! I can save him. Them."

I couldn't see the rider and I wasn't about to put my stock in with a bunch of weird, hostile strangers dressed like dragons. I drew in a shaky breath and shook my head.

"Sorry," I whispered before I shoved the heel of my armoured hand into the sensitive area where the claw met scales. It wouldn't hurt the dragon, not really, but it would be irritating enough to distract it. Then again, I'd never seen this type of dragon before let alone tried anything I'd learned with Toothless on it.

It had worked, at least partially. The dragon loosened its grip on my left shoulder enough for me to twist and try to do the same on the right side. Later I'd be told that the dragon riders had never seen someone do something so idiotically reckless before. I'd be told that they didn't even know what to do initially, it had been so unexpected. But then, there I was falling face-first into nothing. It was pretty stupid and pretty awful without my helmet, but it was also not the first time I'd fallen face-first into nothing without a mask.

I could see Toothless, flapping his wings ineffectually, trying to gain purchase, and I could see the Nightmare, racing to get to him, and I could see – I could see the girl, still holding onto the saddle. Ah, but that's Astrid for you. Never one to give up on lost causes. I hadn't really thought it through, of course. I'd thought only of getting to Toothless, only of saving my best friend, so when Toothless suddenly regained flight I was, for lack of a better word, screwed.

"Oh no. Great," I yelled as I fell past the hovering Nigh Fury and Nightmare.

I do possess the very lucky skill of thinking on my feet (or off of them, plummeting through the air with the earth fast approaching my face) and due to my grand escape plan, I was wearing my flight suit. I have to say with the force of the planet and the acceleration of my body working against me, it was difficult to set the suit up to fly. Generally I did this _before_ jumping off my dragon. I fumbled with buckles and ties, curling in on myself and only increasing the speed at which I was falling. If I'd been able to think past getting the suit unfurled, I would have heard the telltale whistle of the Night Fury approaching. I only heard him once I'd released the wings.

Toothless passed under my belly as the wings caught lift and allowed me to glide. It was aching – it always was – to keep my arms still enough to glide well. I pressed the release for the fin that ran along my spine, providing more stability to my flight and only then could I relax enough to see that the dragon girl had managed, somewhat shakily, to control Toothless' flight. Toothless gave me a large, toothless grin.

"Hey, bud," I said, smiling.

Toothless warbled in response.

I turned my attention back to where I was heading, which was no longer down, which was obviously preferable – until the sea stack cropped up in front of me.

"Oh no! Toothless!"

But he wasn't under his own command. This wasn't a solo flight. I was headed straight into the rocks with absolutely no chance of stopping. I had squeezed my eyes shut, prepared for a horrible end to a short, fairly miserable life. I was ready to hit the rock face, my last thought was that Toothless be protected by these crazy, feral dragon people.

It took me a while to realize that I had not, in fact, hit the rock face. I only noticed when I felt the upward pull of something at my shoulders. I looked up to see Toothless grinning at me, head upside down.

"Thanks, bud. You're amazing."

"But not his rider?" A sharp voice said from on top of him. The dragon girl.

"Well, you're certainly something," I yelled, "Those pedals aren't easy to learn!"

She grunted in reply and directed Toothless almost as smoothly as I could have done. I didn't know where we were going, but we flew until the cold wind left my face and hands stinging and my feet numb. I'd tried to ask her where we were heading, but she never spoke to me again. Not for lack of my trying.

"So, what's your name anyway?"

No response.

"I'm Hiccup and this is Toothless," I tried.

Nope. Nothing.

"It's really impressive that you can fly him. I didn't think anyone else would be able to ride him. I mean, I've been working on the pedal, trying to get the settings a little tighter, you know? I want him to be able to glide without me more often, then I can glide without him. It would be so—"

I stopped talking then because I had never, ever seen something like what I was looking at before. Ever.

"What is _that_?"

Of course my question went unanswered. There's no easy answer for that question anyway because what I was looking at could only be described as a mountain of ice. A jagged, wild mountain of ice. That we were headed straight into. As we got closer I was able to see that there were a series of small caves and tunnels. Big enough for single dragons and not much else. The dragon girl flew us through a tunnel and spoke softly to Toothless. Whatever she said didn't go over too well because Toothless tightened his grip on my shoulders.

"Ouch," I hissed and he dropped me, rolling into the hard ground.

By the time I picked myself up off the ground, Toothless and my dragon girl were gone.

"Hey! Hello?"

The clack of claws and the soft scuffle of scales across the ground were the response I received.

"Dragons," I whispered to myself.

Well, I'm no hero and though I had been training dragons in the comfort of Narl, I certainly wasn't keen on the idea of being trapped in a dark, unknown cave, surrounded by wild dragons with absolutely no defense. That being said, with dragons, no defense is the best defense.

As they came closer, I saw that they were not a species that I recognized. I also saw that I was completely surrounded.

"Okay," I said under my breath, "Let's do this."

I put my hand out to the dragon directly in front of me and started to look away. It was then that I heard a familiar growl as Toothless bounded through the other dragons and curled himself around me protectively.

"Toothless!" I said, grinning.

He'd lost the dragon girl. But then I saw that of course he hadn't lost her. She was walking through the dragons as though they were little more than sheep, her sharp eyes locked on me.

"What is this place?" I asked her.

She paused, narrowed her eyes at me and crossed her arms. Movement in my peripheral vision caused me to turn my head. The rest of her dragon people had come, all still wearing their masks. They knocked their staffs on the ground, filling the cave with a rolling roar. Toothless shook his head in confusion. I kept my palm to his nose, lest he panic.

The dragon girl stepped forward, head tilted strangely as she considered me.

"You said your name was Hiccup," she said clearly.

The thumping of the staffs stopped at the command of their leader, who was much smaller off the back of the dragon. The leader stepped closer and I turned to look at him – her – whatever. It approached cautiously, in odd, graceful movements.

"What's your full name?" the dragon girl asked.

"How about you tell me your name," I said, still watching the approaching leader.

The creature held its hand out to Toothless and with a wave had him rolling around on his back as though he were nose-deep in dragon nip. The sight made my heart pound uncomfortably in my chest. Even I couldn't do that to Toothless. Who were these people?

"My name is Astrid," my dragon girl said.

I glanced at her quickly. "Astrid?"

I remembered something then, as the leader approached me, about the Lost Children of Berk. I remembered that the last one had been named Astrid. I remembered how her mother had wailed. I remembered how her father had gone to Sea the next day and never returned. I remembered how Dad never allowed another dragon to get close enough to the children again.

"Yes," she said, her voice sounding much closer.

While I had been watching her leader, Astrid the dragon girl had closed the distance between us. I turned to the sound of her voice to find her standing only an arm's length away. I could have reached out and touched her. I could have run my fingers down the side of her flawless face – and I could have suffered an excruciating death as a consequence.

"Your name," she said, her voice a sweet whisper.

I could feel the leader of the dragon people close behind me, practically touching me. And then she – it – was touching me, finger tips on the back of my neck. I turned my head and shrugged my shoulders in a flinching response. The fingers ran along my chin – a scar I'd had for as long as I could remember.

"Your name," Astrid repeated, her breath on my skin. She'd moved even closer, her body mere inches from mine.

"H-Hiccup," I breathed.

Blue, blue eyes. Blue like the clearest sky. "The rest of it," she pushed.

"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock," I pushed out quickly, "The third."

Astrid's eyes widened and looked over my shoulder, both she and the leader stepping away from me. Or rather the leader curved around until it was in front of me.

"Hiccup?" a voice said, muffled within the mask.

I swallowed, frowned, fidgeted. I couldn't have known and yet somehow I _knew_ that when that mask came off, my life would change.

The leader pulled the mask and I found myself looking into an unfamiliar face – wide green eyes, angular cheekbones, long brown hair – a woman old enough to be my mother. (Funny that, because…)

"Should I know you?"

The woman shook her head, her eyes never leaving my face. "No, you were only a babe. But a mother never forgets_."_

_AN: Okay, okay. I know this isn't an ACTUAL cliffhanger for anyone who's seen HTTYD2, but I really needed to get him to this point and it's a cliffhanger for Hiccup. So, bear with me. Next chapter things diverge from HTTYD2 canon and then from...all canon? Well, except HICCSTRID canon. ;)_


	6. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

**Disclaimer: I don't own How to Train Your Dragon or any of the associated characters or settings.**

_AN: Okay, so now we're diving into completely non-canon land. There will be recognizable elements. Not everything is going to be the same. And IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY, I PROMISE. So, keep an open mind and venture forward, if you dare. ; )_

The words hit me as hard as any physical blow. Like a fist to the stomach, my breath rushed out all at once and I found it difficult to breathe. I swallowed as this strange woman regarded me with pale green eyes, flitting around my face and touching on every detail. I tried to find myself in her – were those my eyes? (No, my eyes are definitely my father's.) Something in the shape of her angular face? (No, not that either.) Her size and stature? (Yes, there was something there – she was light, small, thin.) There wasn't enough for me to make a connection. Not to mention, her words went against the fundamental truths that I knew.

"My mother is dead," I said numbly.

She shook her head and smiled. She held her hand up as though to silence me and then grinned like a madwoman.

"Come. Let me show you something," she said, springing into action.

Although there was a part of me that wanted to chase after her and demand answers, my feet remained planted.

"No."

This woman who claimed to be my mother – who was already halfway across the cave – paused then and cocked her head at me. I got the distinct impression that she wasn't used to people tell her 'no'. Maybe she wasn't used to people at all.

"Hiccup—"

"Don't say my name like you know me."

My voice was hard and unyielding. It was the first time that I could almost _feel_ my father in me. The other dragon riders started to close the distance between me and them, threateningly pounding their staffs on the ground as though that would intimidate me, as though I were a dragon. Astrid was the only one who stayed still, standing between me and _that_ woman, watching us both with too-curious eyes.

The woman raised her hand and the pounding stopped. As she walked back to me, Toothless moved into my side, curling his tail around me protectively. It would have taken nothing at all for me to climb onto his back and fly out of that cave. It would have been easy.

She paused in front of me, standing next to Astrid. Her hand came up and rested gently on Astrid's shoulder. There was something in that touch – something intimate, familiar, _maternal_ – and it made me indescribably _angry_. This entire situation angered me. I thought of Berk and the missing children; the imposition those events had placed upon us as children of the tribe. I thought of Narl and the dragon trappers; the fact that there was practically a _platoon_ of dragons in this very cave that could have made short work of a trapper's ship. I thought of my father and the memorial that he visited each spring, helmet in hand, face wet.

"You're my son, Hiccup," she said plainly. As though it made everything alright. As though that knowledge were enough.

I felt sick, suddenly. Dizzy, nauseous, overwhelmed. I shook my head at her and she took another shifting step toward me. I stepped back, knocking my feet against Toothless' solid body. He trilled nervously but I couldn't bring myself to calm him. I wasn't calm; how could I calm him?

"My mother is dead," I repeated, my voice sure and angry.

It was enough for her to withdraw her outstretched hand from me; to take a step back.

"I'm right here, Hiccup."

"_Stop saying my name._"

My breathing was coming in hard pants then as I struggled to make sense of any of this.

"You—" I started, "You can't just _tell_ me that you're my _mother_ and expect me to accept that."

I looked around the cave at the two masked riders and Astrid. _Astrid_. I saw her mother sobbing in the night.

"Take off your masks," I said, my voice low.

They looked at each other and then back to _that_ woman, seeking permission.

"Don't ask her. She's not your mother," I spat, "Apparently, she's mine."

"Hic—"

I held my hand up to silence her without turning. I couldn't take her saying my name again. The riders looked at each other and then pulled off their masks. The shorter one was another girl, my age more or less. White blonde hair in a series of tight braids, wooden beads jangling from the tips. The tall one – the one in the red, on the Nightmare – was a fierce and hard looking guy. Long black hair tied back in one braid, hard dark eyes watching me almost angrily.

"What are your names?" I asked.

They looked at each other and at _her_.

"Their names are Ruffnut and Rags." It wasn't _her_ though. It had been Astrid who answered.

Astrid had moved to stand closer to me; Toothless growled at her ominously.

"Ruffnut," I repeated under my breath.

It came to me then. Ruffnut. Tuffnut. Tuffnut's sister. They were twins. I could see him in her face. Twins that had been separated by dragons. At the hands of this woman. My anger swelled and rose like the sea at high tide.

"Thorston," I said clearly, "Ruffnut Thorston."

The girl – Ruffnut – seemed confused momentarily. I turned my head toward Astrid.

"Astrid Hofferson."

Astrid was taken aback, her mouth falling open slightly as though she wanted to say something but had nothing to say. I turned to the tall boy and frowned. The other missing child… I didn't know of anyone named 'Rags'. He didn't look like anyone I should know. I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Rags," I said, my mind still working frantically.

"He's not from Berk," my supposed mother said.

"Oh. That's rich. The Lost Children of Berk include children that weren't even from Berk."

"The Lost Children of Berk?" she repeated.

I turned to her and glared, jaw set and brow lowered. I couldn't remember ever being that angry before. I couldn't remember needing to be so angry.

"People miss them, you know. Their _parents_. Mothers who grieved for them. Fathers who died for them. You've robbed them of that."

She flinched as though I had hit her. It was like she'd never even thought of that concept. That people might miss these children that she _stole_. That children might miss the mothers they never knew. Her face didn't hold that wounded look for long though. No. Her brow lowered and with a shock I saw my own anger there – I _recognized_ that furrowed brow because I _owned _it. It was _my_ expression.

"They were better off here," she said resolutely.

"Better off without their families? Without their tribes?" I spat, my voice rising in volume. I glared at her. "And what about me? Huh, _Mom_? Was I better off without _you_?"

Her expression fell in such a sudden and pathetic way that I instantly regretted my words. Did I look like that when my face fell? Did I remind Dad of her? Is that why he was so apt to give in when I gave up? Because of _that_ face?

Dad. What would Dad have thought about this? To know that the woman he'd grieved for nineteen years was here, alive and well and living with the children we'd all counted amongst the dead. Not in Valhalla, but _here_, wherever here was.

I'd looked away from her fallen face, unwilling to feel pity for her. I'd been too angry. I hadn`t wanted to give it up.

"Where are we?" I asked, staring at the ground resolutely.

For a while I thought she wouldn't answer. She didn't, in fact. It was Astrid who came toward me, hand outstretched. Her palm was white and calloused beneath the protective wrappings of her sleeve. She held it there steadily and waited patiently. I knew that patience – I'd used it with dragons myself.

"Let me show you," she said.

I looked up at her face and found that those hard eyes had softened.

"Please," she added.

I glanced back at the other riders and then past them at the white light of the overcast sky through the opening of the cave. I could have gotten on Toothless then and flown right out of there. I could have forgotten them. I could have flown back to Berk and led them all back here. I could have done this if I had actually had any concept of where _here_ was, which I didn't. When I turned back to Astrid, she tilted her head. It was a small, submissive gesture. Something I had seen dragons do in training. She was giving that to me – a sign of goodwill and trust. I glanced past her at the slight woman with pale green eyes who watched me hopefully.

"What's your name?" I asked her.

She smiled ever so slightly. "Valka."

Valka was my mother's name. I frowned at her. I didn't want to believe in her. I didn't want to accept what it would mean to believe in her. I looked back at Astrid and dropped my hand into hers.

"Show me."

The smile that Astrid gave me was miniscule. The slightest upturn at the corners of her lips. I didn't know it then, but that was as large as her smiles got unless you were extremely close to her. Unless she considered you family. I didn't think she considered me at all. Her grip was strong and warm as she pulled me through a rocky crevice beyond Valka. When she dropped my hand to climb, I scrambled after her. She moved with the grace of someone who was used to the terrain and I struggled to keep up with her.

"Hey, wait!"

"Come on!" she called back.

Toothless pushed me over a particularly tall rock and I went tumbling forward, inertia speeding me through the passage, until I was no longer inside the rocks.

There are few words to describe what I had stumbled through the rocks into; few descriptions I can really provide. There were hundreds of dragons; species I'd never seen before, all living in harmony. This place wasn't made of rock, but of ice. A paradise encased in ice; a _sanctuary_ for dragons.

"What is this place?" I breathed.

Astrid stood next to me, patting Toothless on the head and smiling her almost non-existent smile.

"It's our home," she'd said, her eyes meeting mine. There was no hint of irony; no touch of ire.

I found myself smiling in that barely there way, just like her. Echoing her in the curl of her lips, the tilt of her head. Astrid – oh, I don't know – Astrid _melted_ my anger. She was so…_raw._ So real. For just one instant, I forgot how enraged I was. I was lost in the beauty of this place. I could see the appeal. I could see how someone would never want to leave.

Valka joined us silently, sidling up to me with her quick steps and animalistic movements.

"Do you like it?" she breathed, startling out of my reverie.

I looked at her and saw that raw wonder on her face, too. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to look at her and know she'd chosen this over Berk. Over Dad. Over me. I watched as multi-coloured dragons weaved through the air, peaceful and happy. It wasn't what I had expected when I had first seen Astrid. It wasn't anything I could ever have imagined. I didn't have the words.

"I don't have the words," I said.

A shadow fell upon us as Valka's massive dragon clung to the rock face behind us. His eyes were wide, yellow and curious. He reminded me of Toothless. He reminded me of why _I _had left Berk. I glanced at Toothless who watched me with questioning eyes. It had been worth it, of course. I wouldn't have changed things…would I? It was the first time I'd ever even considered that question. If I had stayed, what would have been different?

"You can stay here, you know," Astrid said, as though reading my mind.

"I thought I was a Viking," I said lightly.

"I thought you were, too," she replied with a shrug, her smile back on her face, "But Vikings can't fly."

"Did trappers do this?" Valka asked, lifting Toothless' prosthetic with the end of her staff.

I took a protective step toward Toothless, placing my hand on his head. I wondered what she would do if I told her the truth. Her eyes were expectant, but hard, this woman who claimed to be my mother. This woman who looked more and more like me.

"No," I said.

She raised an eyebrow, clearly expecting me to fill in the details. Instead I looked away from her to Toothless, whose tongue was lolling out as he bounced from foot to foot. I grinned at him and caught his bottom gums in my hands, giving his head a gentle side-to-side tug.

"That's our secret, isn't it, bud? Been four years now – just you and me," I said to him.

He jumped up and knocked me down, licking my face.

"Uhg, Toothless! You know that doesn't wash out!"

Valka laughed and her laugh was bigger than I would have expected out of such a small woman. Astrid was looking at me with her barely there smile. Ruffnut looked mostly baffled and Rags glared at me as though I had encroached on his territory. Perhaps I had. Alright, I definitely had, but how was I to know that?

Valka dropped into a crouch beside me, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Will you stay, Hic—"

She stopped herself halfway through my name. I frowned at her. I was still angry. But, I could also still leave. My gaze slipped past her to dragons flying in a rainbow of colour. There was a lot I could learn here. About dragons, about the Lost Children of Berk, about my mother. Because she was my mother, no matter how much I wanted to deny it. Even the way she moved her hands was me.

"I have questions," I said, sullenly. I scratched under Toothless' jaw and he collapsed on my chest.

"I know."

"I _want_ answers," I said fiercely.

Valka hesitated and then nodded.

"Will you stay?" she repeated.

I took a deep breath. If I were a stronger man, I could have walked out of this place without answers. I could have turned my back on her the same way she'd turned her back on me. I could have left. But that was a difficult decision. Does a hero stay, or does a hero go? Was I weak to want my answers? Or would I be weaker still to run from them?

"I'll stay," I said, "For now."


	7. Getting to Know You

_AN: I'm really sorry for the long delay in posting. I've been pretty busy with some other projects and real-life stuff and...yeah. Sorry. This chapter is pretty long though (for me), so maybe that makes up for it? A little bit? To the Guest reviewer who left me a very long, very kind review: thank you. I'm glad you are enjoying this story and I'm glad you share my Valka sentiments. Your kind words meant a lot to me - I think that might be one of the nicest reviews I've ever received. I hope I can continue to live up to your expectations! _

_Without further ado, please enjoy the next chapter!  
_

Well, there it was. I decided to stay with a feral, crazy dragon lady and her band of Lost Children. It wasn't an easy decision. It wasn't a decision that I was happy about. But, it was a _necessary_ decision. There were things only Valka could tell me; questions that only she could answer. And then there were the Lost Children. I honestly didn't know what my plan was then, but I knew I should have one. It wasn't right that these people had been ripped from Berk. It should have been _me_, if anyone was to be torn from our home. _I_ should have been the one at Valka's side – not Astrid Hofferson, not Ruffnut Thorston, not the mysterious Rags. Me. Hiccup Haddock. I won't lie – it hurt that she'd never come for me. It hurt that she'd left me behind.

Once I'd said I'd stay, that tiny smile that Astrid had been giving me grew wider and I couldn't really concentrate. It's _so_ hard to concentrate around Astrid. She's…_radiant._ Valka and Astrid shared some non-verbal discussion and it then it was Astrid who barely touched my arm to direct me around the cliffs and tunnels of the Dragon Sanctuary. Valka trailed behind quietly, her quick movements catching my eye on occasion. I'd glare at her every time she got too close and she'd back off. Ruffnut followed Astrid and I closely; I could feel her staring at me.

I turned to her when I couldn't take her weird staring anymore.

"Hi," I said to her.

Her eyes widened. "You're crazy."

"What?"

Astrid stepped between us. "Ruffnut," she said, her voice exasperated and authoritative.

"What? He is! You saw how he fell out of Cloudjumper's claws _on purpose_," Ruffnut leaned toward me over Astrid's shoulder, "_I like that_."

"Thanks?" I said.

Astrid shot a glare at me over her shoulder. "Don't encourage her."

"Is that what I was doing?"

Ruffnut broke out of Astrid's hold with a series of fluid, twisting motions. She was back to back with Astrid in seconds, running her hands along the front of my flight suit before I even registered what was happening.

"Ah, don't touch that. The calibrations are very sensitive!"

"Cali-what-what?" Ruffnut said, pressing her finger into the trigger for the spinal fin. It popped out.

"Calibrations," I sighed, cranking the fin back in.

"Did someone say 'calibrations'?" The voice was unfamiliar – nasal and squeaking at points.

A big blonde boy appeared out of nowhere, his eyes sweeping from my head to my toes and back again. He seemed disinterested in _me_, but _very_ interested in my suit which Ruffnut was toying with.

"He can _fly_," she said to the newcomer.

The boy lifted my arm and undid the ties to the wings of my suit.

"Uh, excuse me. That's my _arm_," I said, wrenching it out of his grip. I stepped back from Ruffnut as well, backing into Toothless who had been following along closely.

"Hey, bud," I whispered. I was two seconds away from jumping on his back and taking off.

The blond boy tilted his head to the side with a strange, animal-like movement. He narrowed his round eyes at me.

"Is that a _Night Fury_? I thought they were extinct. Fascinating," he said, talking more to himself than anyone else.

He inched closer and Toothless growled. The boy held out his hand in much the same way Valka had in the cave, but Toothless wouldn't fall for the same trick twice, apparently. He growled louder and the boy paused, his eyes finally falling on my face for the first time.

"Who _are_ you?" he asked.

"Who am I? Who are you?"

"That's Fishlegs," Astrid said, her hand tightly gripping Ruffnut's arm to keep her at bay.

"Fishlegs Ingerman," I said, remembering the missing Lost Child's name now.

Fishlegs had been the _first_ Lost Child of Berk. He didn't even know then that he had three older brothers who all looked shockingly similar to him, if not a little larger. He was trim where all the Ingermans tended toward a bulkier body type. He was muscle where they'd become soft.

"Who are you?" Fishlegs repeated, staring at me intensely.  
"Hiccup Horrendous Haddock," Ruffnut sighed dreamily, "The Third."

"From Berk?" he asked.

He did much the same as the others had when they'd learned my name – he sought out Valka. I wanted to snap at him and tell him that if he had any questions, he should direct them at me and not the woman who was claiming to be my mother. Who was probably my mother. She was my mother, but I didn't want to accept it yet.

I brushed my hands down the front of my jacket and shifted my weight.

"Yes, I'm from Berk," I said spitefully, "But I haven't been there in a long time."

"Why not?" Ruffnut asked.

I glanced at her and shrugged, dropping my hand on Toothless' head. "The chief and I didn't always see eye to eye."

I flicked my eyes to Valka's face and she smiled at me with understanding. "You must have gotten that from me."

I glowered at her even though her words struck me, brewing a thousand questions at once. I couldn't stop one from escaping. "Is that why you left?"

I had wanted to add the word 'me' to the end of that question, but I bit it back. I didn't want to give her any ammunition to hold sway over me. She didn't need to know that my anger was already starting to fade; that my curiosity was starting to take over.

Valka's face fell. "No, oh no, Hiccup. I wouldn't have left by choice, love."

"You wouldn't come back by choice, either," I snapped, ignoring her endearment and how much it made me want to run into her arms. The arms of a woman who'd abandoned me for dragons and other children. I really felt the need to hold onto that fact in those early days. I'd _needed_ it.

I turned and stomped down the path, leaving the group scrabbling behind me. I could hear Toothless keeping pace and also keeping space between me and them. I honestly couldn't ask for a better best friend in life. Anyone who can't see how great dragons are is a fool. A complete fool.

I was angry, confused, overwhelmed. I wasn't paying attention when Rags jumped from the side of the cliff and landed in a crouch in front of me. I jumped back, yelping and he stood to his full height. He was bigger than me – taller, wider – and he knew how to use his stature to his advantage. He wore his mask as he regarded me. I frowned at him.

"Are you trying to intimidate me?" I asked as he started to circle me with weird, jolty movements. "Because it's not working."

I was lying. Everything about Rags spoke of outward aggression. Toothless had closed into my side again and growled readily. Rags held his hand out to him and Toothless actually snapped at him.

"Whoa, buddy. We're trying to _make_ friends, not eat them," I muttered quietly.

Rags still said nothing but he took a step too close to me and slammed his staff into the ground. I flinched and he bent his body at a strange, aggressive angle. It felt like he might _attack_ me. Toothless' defensive stance tightened around me.

"Toothless!" I turned to Rags, "Look, maybe we can talk about whatever it is that you're doing? Because I don't speak crazy dragon person."

Rags scoffed. "You know nothing. You don't belong here."

"Then shouldn't I learn? And to be honest, you don't belong here either."

Rags slammed his staff into the ground angrily and I twitched back into Toothless who gnashed his teeth at Rags. At least my dragon knew what was going on.

She came out of nowhere – both of them did. Astrid appeared so quickly, I hadn't been able to discern her blurred movements from the movements of the dragons in my peripheral vision. A noise came from deep in her throat and she jumped in between Rags and I, dropped low in a crouch. Rags slammed his staff again and Astrid dodged and twisted until she was directly in his space. She grabbed his staff and shoved it hard into his chest. They didn't use words, but it was clear something was being communicated.

"Stop!" Valka said sharply. I hadn't even realized that she'd come to stand near me.

Astrid and Rags stopped the strange, vicious dance they'd being doing. I couldn't see Rags' face, but his demeanor softened suddenly and spoke of being chastened. Astrid eyes were big, worried, and almost shameful as she turned them on Valka.

Valka's hand fell to my shoulder and I was too shaken to push it off.

"Hiccup is a guest," she said, her voice hard, "We don't treat guests like enemies. We don't treat each other like enemies."

Rags stood for a moment, head hanging, and then he flipped into action and scratched up the side of the cliff. I watched him, completely unaware of what had been happening, of what it all meant.

"He'll come around," Valka said, smiling warmly. I shrugged her hand from my shoulder and stepped out of Toothless' protection.

I pushed past Astrid who didn't seem to want to look at me. I was annoyed, confused, frightened – this place was so strange, so foreign. I missed the simplicity of Narl. I missed the familiarity of Berk. I didn't know why it was hitting me so hard at that moment. I was used to being an outsider; I was used to being the person that everyone ignored. I wasn't used to being the centre of attention, both positive and negative. I took a few more steps down the path when the sound of water rushing filled my ears, loud and massive. I looked upward for evidence of falling water, but there was none. Looking around, I saw the Lost Children and Valka all falling into a bow toward the centre of the Sanctuary. There, rising from the water, was a massive white dragon that I had never seen before. I didn't know dragon could be that large. My heart pounded as its turquoise eyes fell on me. Even from this far distance, I could feel its immense presence, its _command_.

"Every nest has its queen," Valka said in my ear, appearing out of nowhere again, "But this is their king. Come."

She offered her hand, but I pointedly ignored it and gestured for her to lead the way. I followed her, Toothless and Astrid tight behind me.

We stood before the humongous dragon and it blew its breathy ice in my face. Valka laughed.

"He likes ya," she said.

I fought the urge to smile as I brushed ice crystals from my hair.

"The Bewilderbeast," Astrid offered, "The last of the alpha species."

"There's an alpha species?" I asked in wonder.

"Stay, Hiccup. I can teach you everything I've learned over the past nineteen years. I can share with you all my knowledge of dragons," Valka said imploringly.

I swallowed and stared at the majesty of the Bewilderbeast.

"I already told you I would stay," I said quietly, "This is all just a little _much_."

Valka didn't say anything for a while and I imagined she was trying to determine what she _should_ say. Maybe she was starting to recognize that anything she said to me would be met with some form of antagonism. There was literally nothing she could say that I would have accepted readily. Not yet.

"Are you hungry?" she tried.

I hadn't been until she'd mentioned it. I bit my bottom lip and turned to her, unwilling to admit that I was completely starving. She grinned at me.

"Okay. Fishlegs and I will make something. Maybe you want to bathe?"

I frowned at her even though I would love to bathe. The flight suit was hot and there were scratches on my shoulder from the big dragon – Cloudjumper. His claws hadn't made it through the suit, but there would be damage to my skin. I could feel it burning. I wanted to check them, to clean them, to have some time to myself to process this. Ruffnut sidled up to me and grabbed my arm.

"I can show you," she said leering.

"I know how to bathe," I said, pulling on my arm. She didn't let up her grip; she held my arm against her entire body and I flushed.

"I'll take him," Astrid said, her voice hard.

This was only getting worse. I really didn't want either of them to take me anywhere.

"How about you just point me in the right direction?"

"No way. Rags might jump you again," Ruffnut said.

"I'm not leaving you alone with her," Astrid said, glaring at Ruffnut.

Ruffnut smiled widely at her. Astrid reached out with a series of sharp jabs to Ruffnut's arm and wrist. Ruffnut dropped my arm and growled at Astrid. I stepped back from both of them.

"Maybe I should just skip it," I said.

Valka sighed. "Sort this out, Astrid. Come, Fishlegs."

"It's sorted," Astrid said, grabbing my hand and dragging me behind her. Ruffnut followed.

"I'm coming."

"Whatever. Keep your hands to yourself."

"Oh, and you get to touch?"

Astrid stopped and I slammed into her back. She turned an impressive glare on Ruffnut.

"_No one _is touching _anyone_."

I was having a hard time focusing on anything because my mind had taken a completely inappropriate turn at that point.

"I wouldn't mind some touching," I said.

Ruffnut beamed and Astrid raised her eyebrows.

"I didn't mean to say that."

"Hm," Astrid said. She pulled me along behind her again while Ruffnut ran her palm up my arm, keeping pace.

We stopped at a cove that was tucked between a rock face and a mass of vegetation. Water fell from a cliff high above where we stood. Astrid let go of my hand and turned to face me.

"Here we are," she said, gripping the buckles on my jacket and tugging them undone.

"What are you-?"

Ruffnut had started on my pants.

"Hey!"

I swatted both their hands away and stepped back. "I can undress myself, thank you."

Ruffnut stood next to Astrid and they both stood there expectantly. I stared back at them incredulously.

"Are you going to _watch_?"

They both looked at me as though that was obvious.

"Do either of you understand the concept of privacy?"

They looked back at me blankly.

"You know, personal space? My body isn't just…on display!" I said, waving my arms to emphasize my point.

"I've already seen it," Astrid said, "And you didn't seem bothered that it was on display then."

"What!?" I spat, stepping further away and wrapping my arms around my chest as though that could undo what she'd just said.

She shrugged. "You bathed in the forest on Narl. Frequently. Daily, even."

"You were _watching_ me?"

She shrugged again, disinterested. "That wasn't the first time I'd tried to take the Night Fury."

"His name is Toothless," I muttered as I glanced back at Toothless who was deliberately looking elsewhere.

"Traitor," I hissed at him. He gave me an indignant glare and stomped off.

"Where are you going? Are you just going to leave me with them?"

He warbled in response and curled up some distance away to sleep.

"Useless reptile."

"Will it help if we undress, as well?" Astrid asked.

I turned around to find them already removing their armour.

"Ahh!" I spun around and squeezed my eyes shut. "That is _not _helping. Freyja help me."

I stared at the waterfall and the gap behind it.

"Look, I'm going to go over there," I said, pointing behind the waterfall, "And you two stay over here, okay?"

I heard splashing behind me and turned on instinct. Ruffnut was in the water already, naked and swimming. Astrid stood on the edge of the pool, her golden braid heavy and long against her back. Her skin held a golden hue. The curve of her hip, the bare skin of her shoulders – I shouldn't have been staring at her, but gods was she beautiful.

"The gods so clearly hate me," I mumbled to myself.

I tore my eyes away when she looked over her shoulder at me. I brought a hand up to my face and walked determinedly to the waterfall. I hoped that the water was really, _really _cold.

I hid behind the waterfall and undressed, trying to ignore the fact that there were two naked girls in the same pool. My mind wandered to what Astrid had said. How long had she been watching me, exactly? I should have felt violated, but instead I felt – I don't know, proud? Special? _Hopeful_? I slid into the cold water and listened to the pounding of the water as it fell in front of me. All of this had been too much and I was grateful for the solitude.

I took my time, slowly scrubbing at my skin with a rough moss. The scratches on my shoulder were superficial – the skin hadn't even broken. It would sting, but it would heal. I tried to think about Valka and this place. I tried to acknowledge the feelings I had, but something in me really didn't want to do that yet. I decided to listen to that. I thought of Narl, but my cowardice ate at me. I hoped that they were okay. I hoped that Nicholas had successfully chased the trappers off. I hoped I hadn't abandoned another home for the worse. That made me think of Berk. What was happening in Berk now? How was Dad? How was Gobber? My heart ached when I thought of them, so I tried instead to think of nothing. But in the space of nothing, I found Astrid. The curve of her shoulder, that smile on her face, the aggressive way she'd fought with Rags.

I had never met anyone like her before. I wondered what she would have been like if she'd had the life that should have been hers. Would she be so hard, so fierce? Or would she have been soft and pretty, a maiden to shower with gifts and marry and protect? I couldn't see that image. I couldn't see her hiding behind someone else. I couldn't imagine her without that cutting look in her eyes. I didn't want to.

"You should wash this, too."

I startled at her voice. "Astrid!"

She was crouched, naked and glorious, over my flight suit. She looked at me with those sharp eyes. "It smells."

"It's complicated. You can't just throw it in the water."

"You can't put it back on. It _smells._"

I looked away from her when she shifted. A hint of breast caught my eye and I felt myself flushing despite the cold water.

"The springs will rust. It already needs repairs."

I didn't hear her slide into the water, but I felt the softness and heat of her when she brushed against my arm under the water. My head whipped around and there she was, so close. Close enough to kiss.

"Vikings are strange," she said, reaching up and braiding the hair behind my ear.

"They'd say the same about you," I breathed.

Her eyes flicked to mine. "Why are you so uncomfortable?"

"What? Why? You're _naked_."

She shrugged. "So are you."

I looked away again and tried to shift out of her reach. The rock perch I'd been resting on didn't go forever, so I pinched my body up on the end of it. She followed, pressing her body into my arm.

"Have you never lain with a woman?"

"That's a bit personal, don't you think?"

"Is it? Vikings are strange," she repeated.

"Look, we don't just…_lay_ with each other. There's rules."

Astrid laughed at that. "Why?" she asked incredulously, "When you want someone, shouldn't you just _take_ them?"

I turned to look at her. "Is that what you do?"

She shrugged again.

"You don't…you're not…_monogamous_?"

"I don't know that word."

"You don't stay with just one person?"

"You've seen. We live in a group, as a family."

"I meant, I don't know – _mating_."

She pulled her hands back to herself. "Dragons mate for life once they've found the right mate."

"That's monogamy."

"Fine. I guess we're monogamous."

"Then why would you ask-?"

"You have to find the right mate first," she said, her face open, eyes wide, "You have to be sure."

I stared in her eyes, so wide and earnest. What she was telling me was so vastly different from Viking society. Even dragons believed in love matches. Not in marriages to create strong political bonds. Not arranged things that make everyone unhappy. I wondered if my mother and father had been arranged. He would never talk about it, but maybe I'd be able to get it out of Valka.

"So, what," I said, my eyes stuck on her plump, pink lips, "You just test out anyone you come across?"

She smiled slightly. "No. I told you, I've been watching you for a while."

She was leaning toward me and I found myself tilting into her. What would it have been like to kiss Astrid then? Well, I'd never know because a great sound roared us from our moment.

"Tch," Astrid said, heaving away and swimming to the edge of the pool to pull herself out.

"What?"

"It's time to eat."


	8. Mother, Dearest

_AN: Sorry for the big delay. Valka lovers, beware._

I thought about leaving a lot. Not very brave, is it? But, no one said I was a hero. I'm a runner, a coward. Life on Berk got too hard and I ran. Life on Narl became too dangerous, so I ran. Life in the Dragon Sanctuary? Well, everything about it was difficult. There was the mother I thought was dead. There were the children she stole from Berk. There was the ever-present, mysterious Rags. And there were dragons. Hundreds of dragons. But above all this, there were _questions_. Unanswered questions that hung in the air. The Sanctuary was thick with them. They lingered and clung to me like a film.

It took four days before I was calm enough to have a full conversation with Valka – with my mother. In those four days, I got to know the strange habits of the Lost Children; I let Astrid show me the caverns, valleys and peaks of the Dragon Sanctuary. I let Fishlegs pump me for information – insatiably intelligent and eager. I let Ruffnut touch and poke and prod at me and my flight suit more than would be appropriate in normal Viking society, but clearly this was no normal society. Rags was the only one that remained distant and hostile. He wasn't from Berk; he wasn't one of them and I _was_. I think he might have hated me for that.

Once Astrid seemed satisfied that I wouldn't just hop on Toothless and disappear, she gave me some space. She'd disappear for whole afternoons and return with food – fruit, vegetables, meats – things that they didn't seem to have within the Sanctuary. It was on one of those afternoons that Valka found me on one of the highest peaks in the Sanctuary. Toothless was exploring the icy crevasses behind me while I watched the flurry of colour and activity of the Sanctuary's inhabitants. It was beautiful in a way I didn't know was possible. As always, I was looking for a hint of black amongst them, but there wasn't one. No Night Furies, not even here. I heard her coming – she let me, of course. She had the stealth of a light-footed dragon herself. Her approach was slow and cautious, waiting for me to snap or glare or leave. I sighed.

"You may as well sit down," I said.

She took my weak invitation eagerly and sat next to me, thin legs hanging over the edge of the cliff I sat on. We sat in silence for a long time. I was acutely aware of her presence and all the questions that swarmed angrily in my head. I couldn't seem to settle on one. That's when she spoke.

"You look like him," she said, her voice strange and heavy.

Our eyes met before I had a chance to check my expression. "Like who?"

She smiled and I hated how warm it was. I hated that my mouth wanted to echo it. "Your father."

I looked away from her and focused on my hands angrily. Thinking about him hurt. Hearing her speak of him angered me. I focused on that emotion instead of the pain, but even then I saw his eyes looking at me with warmth; I felt his hand on my shoulder; I heard his laugh in my ears. I wanted to tell Valka that she didn't have any right to speak of him, but then neither did I. I'd left him, too.

"Did you love him?"

It wasn't the question I wanted to ask. Valka didn't answer right away and I peeked at her. I was surprised to find her face sad and pensive, her eyes scanning the colourful expanse of the Sanctuary.

"More than anything," she breathed, finally.

"Did you love me?" I asked. My voice was small and I wanted to take the words back as soon as they had escaped my lips.

"Oh, Hiccup. _Yes_. Of course," she said, her hand ghosting the side of my face.

My jaw was clenched and I couldn't look at her – I _wouldn't_ look at her. "Then why did you leave me? Why did you keep _them?"_

"Them?" she asked.

My eyes met hers - pale green and searching. I glared at her because I didn't want to have to tell her. I shouldn't have to tell her. But she was still lost and I was still angry.

"The Lost Children of Berk," I practically spat.

Her eyes widened and I glared at her until she looked away.

"That's…complicated."

"It really isn't. Instead of taking your son, you robbed three families of their children. Ruffnut is a twin. Did you know that? Tuffnut had to grow up without her because of you."

Valka pushed herself upright and started to walk away from me.

"That's right, run. I must've gotten that trait from you," I muttered.

I tried to ignore the tears burning at the corners of my eyes.

"Hiccup, there are things you don't know," she started.

I jumped to my feet and turned around, surprised to find her so near, surprised to find tears shining in _her_ eyes.

"Then enlighten me." I had wanted it to come out as a livid growl, but it came out small and hurt instead.

Valka swallowed and blinked away the tears that had been forming. She straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. Stubborn. Every single Haddock is stubborn. She opened her mouth to speak but then snapped it shut again.

"I was taken during a dragon raid when you were just a babe," she said at length, "A dragon had broken into our home, threatened you. When I reached the room, what did I see but your little hand closed around the dragon's claw. Everything we knew about them was _wrong," _she paused and took a long, deep breath, "Your father came to our aid and startled the dragon. It cut your chin with its claw in its haste to escape."

Her hand reached out and ran across the scar under my lip. It had been there as long as I could remember. Her eyes jumped up to mine again and she pulled her hand away.

"He took me, the dragon. Cloudjumper never meant to hurt me. He must've known that I belonged here," she paused, a sad smile on her face, "Some people are just born different, Hiccup."

I wanted to hate what she'd said. I wanted to argue with her. I wanted to tell her that people aren't _born_ different; they become different over time. But we both knew that was a lie. From the time I could crawl, I've been different. Clearly Valka was different, too. Dragon sympathizers, my dad would call us. We'd be shunned from society. Maybe that's why we both left and stayed away.

I thought of Narl. I thought of the dragon training that I'd been conducting there before my cravenly escape. Maybe Vikings and dragons _could_ live together. Maybe there _could_ be peace. But on Berk? Could that happen on _Berk_? I tried to imagine my dad riding a dragon and failed. I tried to imagine this slight woman who was apparently my mother convincing him that dragons weren't the enemy and failed. I tried to imagine him listening to me, but that fell flat. When had Stoick the Vast ever listened to me? Never. So, yes, some people _are_ just born different. I'm one of those people.

"What about the other children?" I asked.

Valka's face pinched then, her eyes flitting as she tried to come up with a reasonable explanation. It was in that moment that I knew whatever she was about to say would not be satisfactory. It would not erase the years of pain that she'd cost – not to me and not to those families on Berk. Not to Dad.

"I didn't ask them to," she started, raising her eyes to me in an expression that was almost submissive. I didn't fall for it.

"Ask _who_ to do _what_? I hope you're not going to say the Lost Children because they were _babies_-"

"The dragons," she said, cutting me off.

I frowned at her. "The dragons?"

She nodded eagerly and took a hopeful step toward me. "The dragons brought them. But I put a stop to it, Hiccup. I made them stop. That's why the dragons never go to Berk anymore."

"What are you even talking about? The _dragons_ just _took_ babies? Why would they do that?"

"It was Cloudjumper, I think," she said, reaching for my hand. I let her take it, too baffled to fight back. She seemed to take this as encouragement to continue. "He knew how much I missed you. I think he was trying to bring you to me."

"Your dragon has a terrible memory."

"I don't think he knew what he was doing."

"I'm pretty sure he did."

I let it settle in, the idea that the dragons were behind the stolen babies. I didn't like it. It didn't fit. Dragons aren't stupid; Cloudjumper certainly isn't stupid. Maybe if all the babies the dragons had taken were boys, it would have been more believable. Maybe if Astrid hadn't been _five_ when she'd been taken…

"Why didn't you bring them back? If they weren't me, why didn't you bring them back?"

Valka's eyes widened and she gripped my hand a little tighter. She'd expected me to swallow her story hook, line, and sinker. But I wasn't one of her followers and I didn't believe her. There were still too many questions.

Valka laughed suddenly, incredulously. "I couldn't bring them back, Hiccup! What could I do? Ride in on a dragon and drop them off on Berk?"

"Yes." I felt steely. Hard.

Her incredulous smile fell away and I noticed her own face harden. "I know I wasn't there for you—"

"No, you weren't—"

"But it would have been too dangerous for me to bring them back, Hiccup."

"Much safer to raise them with dragons, away from their rightful families."

Her breathing increased and she narrowed her eyes at me. "You've got the Haddock stubbornness, alright."

"Unfortunately I also have whatever it is that you're offering. Cleverness. Evasiveness. _Cowardliness_."

"I'm not afraid!" she nearly shouted, bristling at my words.

"You are! If you weren't, you would have come back to Berk! You would have explained what had happened! You wouldn't have taken what wasn't yours!"

I noticed the movement out of the corner of my eye. A gathering of dragons coming from the icy cliffs behind her; a tall leader in a red mask.

"Then you're afraid, too! You wouldn't be here if you weren't. You're not so different, son," Valka said, her back straightening and her eyes hard, "You ran from them, too."

Her words hit me hard. They weren't altogether foreign – I told myself what I coward I was on a regular basis – but it was different hearing it from someone else's mouth. As quickly as that pain manifested, it dissipated. It was replaced with an eerie calm as I felt my muscles relax despite her dragon army, inching closer. Despite Rags ready to rip me limb from limb.

"You're right," I said softly, "I am afraid. I was afraid to lose Toothless. I was afraid to let Dad down. I was afraid that I wouldn't be fit to lead Berk. At least I can admit those fears. At least I know who I am."

I caught her expression falling – hard and defensive, collapsing to utter devastation. I didn't stay to talk it out any further. I walked past her, her dragon followers parting to let me pass, unsure of what was expected of them. I found Toothless and kept walking. It was then that I knew I wouldn't be staying here, that this place was not what I'd been seeking in life. But before I left, I knew I had a duty to the Lost Children and to Berk. I'd return them to their homes. Somehow, someday, I'd be going back to Berk.


	9. Into the Clouds

_AN: Sorry this took so long and is so...short. :S_

I'd stopped thinking about running and started thinking about _rescuing_. I know what you're thinking – that's _hero_ talk. Don't worry, I'm still not your hero. Because even though I wanted to take the Lost Children back to Berk, I had no idea how to do that. I had no idea if they would even _want_ me to bring them to Berk. Let alone, I had no idea how Stoick the Vast would take the return of his only son, on dragonback, with the Lost Chidren of Berk in tow, also on dragons. There were a couple of ways that could go:

1) (Most likely) The Berkians shoot us down because _dragons_;

2) The Lost Children become hostile and I put Berk in danger by bringing them there;

3) My dad kills me for leaving for four years (extremely high probability, as Fishlegs would say);

4) Snotlout kills me so he can still be chief (he can still be chief – I am so okay with that);

5) (Least likely) Dad and all of Berk rejoices my triumphant return and I am lauded for being the hero I am not. (Yeah, right.)

So, naturally I decided to stay put. With Valka.

Ah, my mom. After our argument on the cliff, we were keeping a respectful distance from each other. It wasn't that I didn't want to speak with her again. It wasn't even that I was still so very angry – I had calmed, I had determined a purpose and that focused my energy. I didn't _need_ that anger anymore. But I didn`t know how to start a conversation with her. It seemed she didn`t know how to start one with me, either.

It happened one afternoon when I was sitting with Fishlegs, sketching out an automatic dragon feeding trough. There was a great roar – the Bewilderbeast. It wasn't the first time I'd heard it; in fact, it happened pretty much daily. Around the same time.

"Alright," I said, "What is that?"

Fishlegs looked up and blinked at me, uncomprehending. I rolled my eyes.

"Why does the Bewilderbeast make that noise?"

"Oh, that's just feeding time," Ruffnut interrupted. She reached out a hand and stroked my shoulder, as always pretending that it was in pursuit of my flight suit.

"Feeding time?" I asked, pulling my arm away.

"Yes," Fishlegs replied, "You can go, if you want."

"Go with who?"

"Me," my mother said from somewhere above us.

She was already astride Cloudjumper, who cocked his great head at me curiously.

"Do you want to come, Hiccup?" she asked.

I stared at her, gnawing on my bottom lip. I wanted to see what this feeding time entailed, but also it gave me a chance to be alone with Valka. It gave me a chance to _try_ again. I found myself nodding.

"Yeah, alright."

I hopped on Toothless' back and followed Valka and Cloudjumper out over the open sea.

"I thought we were getting food?"

"We are!" Valka shouted at me, grinning.

Suddenly the Bewilderbeast rose up from the surface of the ocean, spewing more fish than I had ever seen in my life. It was as though he had skimmed the bottom of the sea and collected every last fish to feed his brethren. I patted Toothless on the head to let him know to go for it and we fell in a rapid dive as he caught his fill. I watched the other dragons eating at the behest of the Bewilderbeast as we hovered while Toothless ate. The camaraderie of the dragons was something to behold. Once again, there was something about dragons that we just didn't know – the capability for colony life and the dependence on an alpha.

Valka and Cloudjumper sidled up beside me. My mother gave me a tentative smile. "How did you like that, Hiccup?"

I smiled, turning my attention to the dragons still flying around the area. It was unlike

anything I had ever seen. It was, for lack of a better word, amazing. I turned back to her and caught her wide eyes watching me hopefully.

"It's incredible."

There's one thing you have to understand about my mother – her smile is infectious. It stretches and grows into a joyful belly laugh. It leaves you wanting more. So when she beamed at me that day, bright sunlight glinting off her hair, I smiled along, too. And I wasn't angry. Instead, I felt very fortunate because I had found my _mother_, who I had thought was _dead_ throughout my entire life. Yes, it had been a shock. Yes, I found some of her life decisions questionable. And, no, these issues hadn't been resolved. But she was my mother and I had a chance to know her. So, I had to try.

We flew that day, wind in our hair and the sun at our backs. Valka wasn't limited to riding with a saddle as I was. Instead she had developed the most fascinating way to move about on a dragon's back – with light feet and careful balance, she gracefully danced across Cloudjumper's back. She leapt from Cloudjumper to a Hobblegrunt to a Nadder and back to Cloudjumper again. I won't lie – watching her was exhilarating. It opened my eyes to what my life _could_ have been; what it could still be. And I wanted to be a part of that life. I wanted to keep having that smile directed to me. I wanted to be a Lost Child_._

We were gliding in silence when I felt Valka's eyes on me. Warily, I glanced at her. She grinned, her eyes alight with curiosity.

"Show me," she said, gesturing to me with her hand.

I looked down at myself and frowned. "You just gestured to all of me."

"Fly, Hiccup. Let me see."

The flight suit. She'd been talking about the flight suit. I shot her a sideways grin and started to set up the suit.

"Alright, buddy," I said into Toothless' ear as I reached down to lock his tail, "Let's do this."

I dove off of him, spreading my own arms out and maintaining flight. The flight suit was one of the best ideas I'd ever had. Flying on dragonback was unlike anything I had ever experienced, but flying alongside Toothless? _Amazing_. The major problem was, at that time, we hadn't _quite_ perfected our tandem flights. Sometimes sea stacks just _appeared_. Sometimes Toothless had to…intervene. Like he did that day, when that rock outcropping just sort of _happened._

Toothless folded his body and wings around me, protecting me from the fall. I'm telling you, there is nothing better than having a dragon on your side. There is no one more loyal to me than Toothless. There is nothing we wouldn't do for each other. That doesn't mean it isn't without its downsides.

We landed hard and I was separated from the warm encirclement of Toothless' wings, encased in snow, but unscathed.

"Yes!" I hollered, bounding out of the snow, fists raised, "We almost had it that time!"

Toothless warbled irritably and tripped me with his tail, sending me sprawling back into the snow.

"Ah, come on, buddy!" I said, scrabbling to my feet and chasing after him, "Don't be like that. Practice makes perfect!"

Toothless turned and glared at me just as Valka and Cloudjumper landed. Valka jumped off her dragon and ran to my side, pulling at the wings of my flight suit.

"Incredible!" she exclaimed.

"You're not so bad yourself," I replied.

Suddenly, her hands were in my hair and warm against my face. Part of me wanted to lean into that touch, to accept it and pretend that we were mother and son, as we should be. But it felt too soon. It felt like too much. I turned my head out of her hand and looked away.

"All this time, you took after me," she said, the wonder in her voice making me look up again.

Her smile was careful and delicate. I didn't want to see her looking at me like that – like I was _special_. I reminded myself that she'd left me. That I hadn't been special enough for her to take and raise here.

"Well, I'm sure a lousy Viking," I said, taking a step back.

Her hands fell to her sides. "Hiccup, stay with me," she said, her voice holding a note of command.

I looked up at her warily, ready for a fight. My mother took a step forward, closing the distance between us again.

"I can teach you all I've learned these nineteen years," she paused and held up her hand, eyes alight, "wait!"

She moved across the snow with light feet toward Toothless and buried her fingers into the base of his skull. Whatever she had done caused a set of moveable spines to protrude from his back, all the way down his tail. I watched in wonder as Toothless barreled toward me, tongue lolling excitedly.

"Wow, bud! Look at that! Did you know about this?"

Toothless happily flapped the spines together and bounded over to Cloudjumper.

"Now you can make those tight turns," Valka said, suddenly at my side. Her big eyes were on my face again and I felt like she expected something of me, something I wasn't even sure I could give.

"Every dragon has its secrets and I'll show them all to you. We'll unlock every mystery, find every species of dragon, together – as mother and son."

Her words tempted me. I'm not even going to lie about that. She knew what to say to me – of course she did, she felt the same way I did about dragons. It would be easy to stay. To forget about Berk, to forget about the Lost Children and my father. I closed my eyes and remembered Astrid's mother wailing in the streets after Astrid had been taken. I remembered my father's hand, heavy and solid against my small shoulder, crushing my body into his as though he could make us one and keep me safe from dragons.

"I need time," I whispered hoarsely, "This is…a lot to take in, Valka."

She shrunk back from me, her eyes so vividly displaying hurt. I saw myself in her, but I felt my father in my heart. A chief feels no pain. His words, ironically useful in this situation.

"I need to go," I said, my voice stronger.

"Hiccup. Stay, let's talk about this."

I shook my head, shirking away from her outstretched hands. "I need time," I repeated.

I jumped on Toothless' back and we took off, high and fast as only a Night Fury can fly. I felt more than I had wanted to, standing in the snow with her. I felt the pull of the Dragon Sanctuary and the Lost Children, but just as surely, I felt the pull of my father and my tribe. I felt the pull of Berk, undeniable and persistent. A stubborn, little chunk of my life that would never go away.


End file.
